7/30/19 ---- 97 days since she died--wow (almost 100 days. wow)
This week, we are taking care of animals at her daughter's house, and for whatever reason, It always gives me such a shock to see her van there. I'm sure it will haunt me each day that I am there this week.
Today it was a tough sight, when I opened the garage door, and there was the Hoyer lift. what a sight that was. so many memories. I touched the purple hoyer cloth, just because, lost in thought.
Today, I accidentally drove past the apartment not once, but twice. Yikes. It's weird to drive past there, and not go running up to the door, or to not park in "my" spot, or see them sitting out there, or feel that sense of pride and happiness as I would drive past. Its weird because I used to try so hard to drive past there, a place full of so many happy memories for me, now I try to avoid even driving past it because of all of the memories.
Today, I was driving on "Tipperary Road", and although,this didn't happen very many times, I remembered taking that road with her to her daughters, and I'd sing "its a long long way to Tipperary" and she didn't like it. I forgot about that song and about doing that. I forgot about not caring if she found it to be annoying. I forgot about feeling cool and like I could conquer everything.
I know I've driven on that road a few times since she died, but just like that, the memory of singing that song and her being annoyed (and me not caring but thinking I was cool) came back to me. (so, I added this song to my playlist of songs that remind me of her.)
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How has this become my life? Memories of happy days constantly haunting me.... All these feelings that I can't explain.... Will these memories always haunt me?
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