memories from last year

This morning, I couldn't decide to bring my missal to mass or not, and I was trying to remember where I went to mass for this feast day last year. I remembered that it was with Mrs L. Then, I tried to remember what it was like. I remembered the ride home being bad because of her seat belt being on her. I remember calling a friend to see if I could go to their house the next day when I was going to go to the butcher to pick up pork. I remembered her not talking to me on the way home. on purpose. I remember the sky and sunset being especially nice that night. I decided that I needed to find my notebook from that day.

At babysitting for the day, I had the chance to make some notes (reading time is my favorite time of the day!). I forgot that in getting there, I'd drive past her apartment. I didn't realize that I would until I was almost there.It was weird going past there. It was a different feeling than going there after mass when she was alive. I used to be so excited going past there even knowing that she would be sleeping and that I'd see her later that day. It was a different kind of feeling this morning. kind of an empty feeling, I guess. Its just so weird driving past the apartment.

By the time night came, I had forgotten to look for the notebook from last year. Until I was listening to the live stream of Fr Z's sermon for the feast tonight. And when I heard his voice, I remembered that he said the sermon for this feast day last year. So I went on a search for my notebook.

My first notes for the night were..."...Mrs L. and I made it to mass. Things are going smoothly..."
When I read my notes from the ride home, that's when the tears hit suddenly for me.
"What's wrong with you?! You're such a snot. I've never seen you like this in all my life." (all this because I put her seat belt on her) (this is what she always said to me when I put the seat belt on her, that, and "you're so terrible!")

"I thought I was in for her yelling at me the whole ride home."

"Halfway home---
me: are you still mad?
her: no. I don't get mad.
me: are you aggravated?
her: I am extremely aggravated."

"when we got home---
me: are you still mad?
her: I am extremely angry."

"for whatever reason I find this all completely hilarious & can't stop laughing about it all."
(its a good thing that I didn't let the ride home discourage me!)

{8/15/18}

Right now, I'd do anything to have this day again. What I would do for us to go to mass together again. What I would do to even get yelled at by her again.These are the days that I miss.
Its so crazy to reflect on this day last year.