She died April 24 2019. I was still very sleep deprived, and my sleep schedule off....I remember being up around 5am and scrolling through Facebook before 7am mass to find that we were chosen a new bishop. I went to mass and it was announced there. then we found out he was saying a noon mass, so we all went. I think I slept through most of it...its all a blur, those days were kind of a blur....
I don't know why---maybe from all the storms that night, or maybe its mild depression, or who really knows... the night of vespers with our new Bishop was a hard night. I should really be more excited about having a new bishop but, I may forever associate him with her....
Parking was a disaster to begin with, as I was directed to park in a handicap sport (I nearly lost my mind!). Once in the church, I had some writing time. I really tried to be excited about what was happening. but, even Bishop's homily made me think of her when he said "God never seems to call the qualified, he qualifies the called". (How true it is!)
I was tear eyed the whole night and burst into tears 4 times with the Magnificat, The Salve Regina, "you called John the baptist to give testimony to you by his life and even his death" and "remember those who have died, give them a place of light, happiness and peace".
I was kind of a wreck that night.
I was a bit surprised that I made it through the entire installation mass the next day with no tears.
65 days after her death. I made it through the ordination mass with no tears, but fell asleep during it at least twice and I did not care.
Again, the night of the ordination, I realized that I should have more excitement for the happenings around me, but I'm just so scattered & distracted or something....
I was slightly disappointing that the new priests didn't offer their hands for the kissing of the hands after the first blessings that night, as she was the one who taught me to do that at Father P's first mass year.
Today, at a first mass of a priest whose mom died 10 years ago, I cried each time the new priest or his dad cried. Its like I couldn't hold back tears. and the last time I saw a priest cry, and I think the only time, was at her funeral.
Tomorrow, I had planned on taking her to a Latin mass first mass (since our last first mass was such a success-NOT!). she should be there. I planned to bring her. but she's not. and I'm going "alone". I won't get front row seating like last year and who knows what tears the day may bring.....
