a trip down memory lane.....

Song Lyrics I've had on my mind lately...."Is it late?-- in remembering I've forgotten of the hour
Come away--watch the sun die in the pine trees, watch the moon rise on the lake It's a land that sets you dreaming if it's dreaming that you do And I wanted you to see the old Wisconsin that I knew." (Wisconsin, Glenn Yarbrough)

I had kind of forgotten about the  day until I started to see all the posts on Facebook, and that's when the day came back to me....

Below: last year's post with new comments bolded

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Wednesday, October 17, 2018

The proud little caregiver I was so proud of myself that night. I still feel so proud of myself when I think of that night. 

Saturday was her caregiver's birthday, and I knew weeks in advance the party and gifts that were being planned. We set a high standard for gifts for her caregiver this year! I wore my Fiji skirt for the occasion- it seemed like the thing to wear. I haven't worn my Fiji skirt in SO long. I can't remember the last time that I wore it. I should put it back into rotation. We all--her, her caregiver, her caregiver's husband, her daughter, her son in law, six grandchildren and I--went to this restaurant and had other festivities with gift opening ( I wasn't there for that part) and cake/ice cream back at the house. Her caregiver, of course, was all blinged up (those of you who have seen her know what I'm talking about!)  It was another great time with the Fijians--We learned about birthdays in Fiji and her caregiver's  siblings, took lots of pictures & had a great night. I could tell that her caregiver really enjoyed everything! And, to my good luck, there was no cavva going around the table that night!(A relief for me! Our first experience with Cavva this summer got mixed reviews from us all!) At the restaurant (Hu-Hot Grill in Middleton for the locals--it was my first time there and it was kind of fun!) I hardly left her side. I miss those days of being right there with her. I sat right next to her and did everything that I could to help her out with her food, root beer and such (meaning, picking up food that she dropped on herself about every 45 seconds (that's not an exaggeration!), holding her glass while she drank every 5 minutes, positioning her bowl and thumb just so I forgot about how she had me do this!!, getting her new food.... I miss doing all of these things so much!!) The whole night had gone so well!  She was such a trooper! I was really impressed! For the second time, I put a jacket on her, and this was my first time by myself. I am still so proud of myself for this achievement. (The last time it took 10 minutes with someone else doing it too) I was mighty pleased that I did it all by myself and was so efficient. (You try to put a jacket on someone who is wheelchair bound and has no use of one arm--its quite the challenge!) Then, I was steering her out of the restaurant, I took her through the doorways--why do they make those things so narrow?! and as I was doing that I was mighty proud of myself and how the night had gone with her. "I am the proudest little caregiver ever" is what I thought to myself. Once we were on the sidewalk the proud little caregiver got a swallow of humility, when the proud little caregiver ran over her foot twice in about  30 seconds. WHY did I do that to myself?! (Of course she has ran over my feet or smashed into them lots of times over the last months, usually when this happens my foot will hurt just for 10 minutes-a few hours.) but, days later, the proud little caregiver's foot is still hurting!!! (I proudly showed her my bruised up foot the next day.) (It seems to make my foot worse to wear shoes--like dress shoes, so the last two days I have tried to just wear flip-flops when not at home I forgot about this detail!, but of course it has suddenly turned to winter in Wisconsin! Had to scrape off my car this morning for the first time this season, so feeling that Winter vibe this year, too.) Back at the house when we had cake/ice cream, I put her and I at the head of the table there is a picture of her and I from that night as big shots at the head of the table and I. love. it. and I was mighty pleased with myself that night!  It was a late night for her (and especially myself!) but everything was such a success! I wish we could have a successful repeat of that night, but sadly, we can not. 
 And, to top this all off, her caregiver and her husband might be taking a few hours off in the next week or so to go out and they are planning on having ME (!!!) come and take care of her while they are gone! What a thrilling treat that would be!! Just say the words guys, and I'll be over there in a flash!! I used to get so excited at the slightest mention of me staying with her. Just her and I!!! It was like the possibilities were endless for what we could do!

Today, I woke up with a sore throat (I think I got it from a kid I babysat on Sunday) and a headache (which is a common thing for me), so I texted her caregiver that I wouldn't come over today because I didn't want to risk getting her sick. And its basically killing me not being able to go over there today!!! I am feeling much better tonight already and am eager & anxious to see her again! We have so much to do together!

In a week it will be 9 months since we met and I have many reflections on our relationship swirling around my head. We've come such a long way, and who would have ever known that we would be such buds?" I used to say that a lot: "Who would have ever known that we would be such buds?" We were buddies, and I miss having her so much. 

The memories are hard, sad, and an empty feeling all at once. My own feelings and emotions are a lot to handle, sometimes. 

I am glad that I wrote so much down. Some how, having my own writing to read helps. Today, I made an album of all the pictures of her/us on my phone. Between picture-looking at, and reading my own writings, I do a lot of crying. 

Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me!