crying over cars

Lately it seems every where I go, I see those "Braun Ability" adapted vans, and I don't know why, but they make me cry. Its like every time I'm going somewhere I see some of those vans. Its like all of the sudden now they're everywhere.

Saturday night I was driving to the fair, and I past the car shop that her car once got repaired at. I had gone with to pick it up and drive it home. Her daughter and I sat around in that car shop for like an hour.  And, as I drove past that place, some tears came to me.

Sunday afternoon a friend was over switching parts from my Camry to his, and as I sat there watching this mess of a project, and I was thinking of how it was that car that got me to see her at the hospital all those times, in November and in April (except for that one time mom brought me in the van, and then i spent the night at the hospital). I thought of all those nights going home on 14 in the middle of the night, always after midnight when the stoplights were just flashing, and even the night that she died. I took that Camry home in the middle of the night those nights. I thought of the one afternoon, the Monday after Easter, I was so tired (sleep deprivation is real!!). I was desperate for sleep, and when you're desperate, I guess, you do desperate things, and I slept in that Camry in the hospital parking lot before going into the hospital that afternoon.
I thought of all those times watching the tires and hubcaps go from my Camry to his.
I realized, I'll be real sad to see that Camry go for good. and I decided I want to fix the engine and have it back for me (I don't really like my civic much anyways--ANYWAY--she would always correct me on that when I'd say anyways)

...and that's been the theme of crying lately....