I had every intention of writing here more and tapping the "publish" button more frequently than I have in the past few months, but I am currently in the middle of 2 very busy weeks (about to start week 2 of the busy weeks)
Here is an example of the day in the life of me.... This was a particularly interesting/busy day!
Thursday June 13- Friday June 14 2019
Thursday Morning:
7am daily mass
work at cloth diaper shop 8:30-12
interview at Memory care place; met a guy who is 99, went through the battle of the bulge and Normandy, and shares the same birthday as me---we sat and talked for 45 minutes!!; visited a friend
rushed around with chores, writing about the exciting afternoon, got ready for the night and next day
went to my brother's rugby banquet
hit the road again to spend the night with a family with 10 week old twins to help with the twins throughout the night.Think I'm living the high life during my night with the twin boys. Remember my dear friend and wondering if this is what life was like for her and her twins. I also named each twin after my friend's twins. :)
I read books to the older kids, got them in bed, said my own night prayers with a twin in my arms, slept some but woke up each time one of the twins cried, changed diapers and rocked babies back to sleep throughout the night. :)
went home the next day, got home at 10:30 am. Did chores, caught up on texts, showered.
12:00-1:45 paid for my car, got gas and worked at cloth diaper shop
2:05-5 babysat three kids for my sister
dashed to stoughton for a grad party
5:56 get a text at the party that I'm looking at a new car at 6:40 (that was the time we were going to meet)
RACE home, do chores in 4 minutes, get my money, drive back to Madison
look at car
buy car (I am now a Honda owner)
go home. hit Wendy's and remember a certain mishaps for my friend and I there. ;)
at home work on "The Death of a Salesman" paper
shower
go back to Madison--feeling so tired!! drive new car home. listen to frightening CD that previous owner left in car.
jump into bed at 10:20!
Showing posts with label lessons learned. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lessons learned. Show all posts
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Thursday, January 24, 2019
11 lessons learned in 11 months
When I was younger, maybe 13, one thanksgiving, my Grandma told me this story where some lady died and no one knew for a week, because they didn't "check up" on her. My Grandma was horrified and told all of us Grand kids several times, "you've got to check up on your old people". And I always thought to myself that the story was made up, but took the principle in mind too heart. I used to call my Grandma nearly every day and we'd talk and talk. Some times for hours, sometimes just a little. Our calls always ended at 10 since that is when she went to bed. I told her every, random, little thing. Things that didn't matter. She told me the same stories of her dad and of growing up. She'd always ask about my mom and what she was doing. I told her mishap stories and anything I found exciting. We visited our grandparents frequently, but this maintained our close relationship. She died when I was 16, and her place in my life was lacking on many levels. The night she died, we were all gathered around the guest bed in the house. One of the things she said that night was "thank you for all of the memories." and I remember thinking to myself "that's the dumbest thing to say right before you die".
Little did I know what I was getting myself into...
11 months ago, I was 20 years old, reading from "the theology of the body in one hour" by Jason Evert. The sun was setting and we were headed west on our way to our (other) grandparent's for our mom's birthday. Crazy things seem to happen to me on my mom's birthday. I knew that she had been in Wisconsin for a few weeks at this point, but (sadly) I wasn't particularly motivated to run over there and meet her. I did think that I would *loosely* dip into taking care of her, but didn't have much of a plan, it was just an idea for the future. We made a stop at her daughter's house to get my sister. I went in, her daughter introduced me to her. This didn't register as a big moment with/for me. All I remember was she had her wheelchair jacked up, with her legs sticking out, her head hanging down a little, and she didn't say much to me. We got back in the car and I got back to my study. The day, somehow didn't get much writing space in my notebook. It was never in *my* plan for this relationship to happen, or unfold how it has. everyday is an adventure, and I am learning many lessons...
{motivation}
bad, long, hard days of babysitting, and all I could think of was "I'm going to go see her after this!"
How do use a Hoyer lift.
How to steer her wheelchair.
How to get a zip up jacket on her. (a feat!)
How to get her in and out of the car... and when the ramp doesn't work, how to shove a 6ft ramp in and out of place.
How to help lift her.
How to get her wheelchair stuck out of mud, and some basic wheelchair repair.
Drugs like "oxycodon", "tramadol", & "quetiapine".
All the symptoms associated with MS- her symptoms.
All the symptoms associated with MS- her symptoms.
How an echo-cardiogram goes.
How a supra-pubic catheter works, and how to change it.
{lessons in humility}
it's hard to know what she wants sometimes, even she doesn't know. Some days, I can do *nothing* right. We've had some discouraging days out and about. I'm incompetent. She's given me "you're so terrible" speeches in the Narthex after Mass. You go out in public and you never know how long you're going to be able to stay. Sometime's you've got to bail, often early. And sometimes, you can't go at all.
{life lessons}
When you spend so much time with someone who can't remember them self, you are inspired to take lots of pictures of yourself, in hopes that you don't forget yourself.
{lessons in faith}
"always fold your veil in a triangle"
Hearing the stories of how hard she fought for her kids to be able to "have" the Latin mass.
How she celebrated feast days with her kids when they were younger.
How she not know her age or middle name or anything like that, but still has the Apostles creed memorized.
Praying the rosary with her.
Blessing ourselves with her relics.
Black cord knotted rosaries are the best.
{lessons in patience}
having to repeat yourself a lot. occasional big battles for small things. everything takes a long time, and always longer than expected. being tried in unexpected ways. staying calm when she is not. She has no sense of the calendar, of time, or of age (her own or others).
Praying the rosary with her.
Blessing ourselves with her relics.
Black cord knotted rosaries are the best.
{lessons in patience}
having to repeat yourself a lot. occasional big battles for small things. everything takes a long time, and always longer than expected. being tried in unexpected ways. staying calm when she is not. She has no sense of the calendar, of time, or of age (her own or others).
{lessons in responsibility}
babysitting is one thing, and even house sitting; but, when you're with her, she is your complete responsibility. anything can happen! she is a bit of a mystery and keeps us busy. Hazards are everywhere. You've got to constantly be on alert. When out and about, you can never leave her side. Sometimes, you have to be really assertive with her (and this is not natural to me!).
{the beauty? of dementia}
Dementia is hard, confusing and a mystery all at once. Every day is a new day. You can tell the same stories and it's like she's never heard it before.
Some days she's been so delusional and hallucinating, that you've got to just keep making things up just to get through the moment.
Also, say one day we're having a bad day, she's upset over who knows what and is frustrated and yelling. After that I'm feeling discouraged. but, by the time the next day comes, she remembers none of it and is back to thinking I'm amazing. Every day is a new day.
I have discovered the real and full importance of memory work, even if over not every important things.
Also, say one day we're having a bad day, she's upset over who knows what and is frustrated and yelling. After that I'm feeling discouraged. but, by the time the next day comes, she remembers none of it and is back to thinking I'm amazing. Every day is a new day.
I have discovered the real and full importance of memory work, even if over not every important things.
{its kind of like having my Grandma back}
Picture this: we're in her room... she's sitting there, I am laying on my stomach on her bed propped on my elbows reading from the 40 dreams of st John Bosco to her. I always think to myself, "look at us, its like we're two friends, just doing things" ( I always want someone to take a picture of us like that)
We're basically best friends. We really are...eating reece's, me reading her mail to her, and our little outings to mass or friends.
{getting the bigger picture}
I've tried to immerse myself in her world. In my free time, I bug people by asking "tell me everything you know about her!" and I boldly introduce myself to her old friends after daily mass. I got the link to the YouTube channel of family home videos. I am always texting her daughter when I am with her...."did this actually happen?", "did she really do that?".... We sit and go through family pictures on her iPad. I've met her sons in increments.
{hard lessons}
an example- at the homeschool graduation last year, (not to be selfish, or make this about me), but I brought her to it, and I told her daughter "I'll sit with her", "I'll stay with her at mass". we tried to get her into her smaller wheelchair to get her up in the gym for a few hours, but it just wasn't going to happen that night. so there, she and I sat in the hallway of the school not apart of anything at all. everyone knew we were there. I couldn't leave her. Her family and my family came down to see how we were throughout the night. but I can only think of one other person who talked to us. and, it's hard. That low social interaction, even when you're out in public, it's hard.
I also, wonder why doorways were made so thin? and why do those rotating entrance doors even exist?!
caregivers are amazing. they live an isolating life. every break they get is too small and not enough. full time caregivers have a lot of stress, and have a lot going on.
Doctors, nurses, and those in the "trauma" area of the hospital--WOW! I can't even imagine what you see, live and experience every day. you also, need lots of breaks and support. (You know, there are those frightening hospital shows on TV like "Chicago Meds" or whatever, and I think to myself, WHY would you want to dramatize or make up these things?! Serious, scary trauma is real, and happens.)
To everyone who has ever taken care of her, and all of her good past caregivers, I am grateful.
I have a great aunt who took care of her paralyzed (during surgery) husband for nearly thirty years. day in and day out, gruesome work. I didn't understand the full depth of things, or appreciate her work at the time. I didn't understand why she never left town, and could barely go to any family parties. but, I know now. Good care and good help is hard to find.
It's a whole other world out there. I have this cousin, she's in her 40s and she's got MS too, and she does yoga and whatever and is always posting on Facebook about her visits to the neurologist or whatever, and people are always cheering her on. My cousin's father in law died from MS, when his daughter was 21. Their family is always doing these "walks for MS" or whatever. and that's great, I guess My grandma was never into those things for cancer, so I have a hard time with those. It's great, I guess, that these people rally and whatever, but it's a hard, and lonely journey. MS IS HARD. I try to wrap my head around it. Seeing someone who I love, who once did everything, was funny, and was physically active, to now, only have the use of one arm/hand, and some head/neck motion. It's unbelievable!
It's not all bad, and there is joy. There is this satisfaction of when things are going well (or better!)...it's like a high. On the really good days, or moments, I always think to myself "this is the fruit of my work" and "this is why I do this". Our little visits...they are great. Seeing her face light up when she sees me...when she says "I missed you terribly"..."I love you"..."come back soon".... Our rosaries, our sunset watching, our TV watching, our book reads.... her stories, her quotes and the little things she says. There are comical things to...like how she has me reorganize her closet. And, true to her character, she is still very particular about things and how they are done.
Every time I go to mass I pray for her, and every night depending on where I am, how the day went, and what mood I'm in I pray for her. I try to write it all down...the things she says, our experiences and everything we do together. Life is short. I try to savor it all.
I can't believe we've know each other for 11 months now. I can't wait to see her tomorrow and tell her that!
I love her, I am so grateful for her, her life, and our relationship. I am grateful for every day that we have together. I admire who she once was, and I still have so many things to ask her about.
In faith, and with hope, I watch for our future together. Life is magnificent.
It's not all bad, and there is joy. There is this satisfaction of when things are going well (or better!)...it's like a high. On the really good days, or moments, I always think to myself "this is the fruit of my work" and "this is why I do this". Our little visits...they are great. Seeing her face light up when she sees me...when she says "I missed you terribly"..."I love you"..."come back soon".... Our rosaries, our sunset watching, our TV watching, our book reads.... her stories, her quotes and the little things she says. There are comical things to...like how she has me reorganize her closet. And, true to her character, she is still very particular about things and how they are done.
Every time I go to mass I pray for her, and every night depending on where I am, how the day went, and what mood I'm in I pray for her. I try to write it all down...the things she says, our experiences and everything we do together. Life is short. I try to savor it all.
I can't believe we've know each other for 11 months now. I can't wait to see her tomorrow and tell her that!
I love her, I am so grateful for her, her life, and our relationship. I am grateful for every day that we have together. I admire who she once was, and I still have so many things to ask her about.
In faith, and with hope, I watch for our future together. Life is magnificent.
Monday, January 7, 2019
21 things about me!
In honor of me now being 21...
1. My middle name is Marie
2. I am named after my Great Grandpa (Francesco>Francesca)
3. My favorite education Methods are: Charlotte Mason and Montessori, and then Classical and Independent/Robinson methods after that.
4. I love comedy and comedians! (think: Sebastian Maniscalo, My Cousin Vinny and Jerry Sienfeld)
5. My very favorite book from age 20: Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry
6. my favorite devotions/devotions I am trying to cultivate in my life: spiritual motherhood for priests/seminarians, Sacred Heart of Jesus, & living the liturgical year.
7. I have the Angelus Press 1962 Roman Catholic Daily Missal
8. My favorite livestock: steers/heifers (dairy & beef, but mostly beef) & pigs (and sometimes sheep)
9. I categorize my clothes as "lucky" and "unlucky" and name them after people, "J... G... skirt" & "original J...G...skirt" (long black skirts), "Mrs P... pants" (leggings)...
10. One thing I want to achieve in life--finish what my Grandma called "the book".
11. I like learning about history, the Latin mass, the liturgical year & art.
12.I've seen Jerry Sienfeld live.
13. When I was younger I liked learning about history--especially American History, and particularly- Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, the Great Depression & World War 2.
14. I get headaches a lot starting when I was 14.5 when I was 15.5 I started going to the doctor for this very thing...ENTs (several times), an MRI, a neurologist, and lastly, an allergy test (on my arm) when I was 16--I am allergic to dust mites & dust.
14. I pulled a cuterebra bug (parasite) out of a kitten before.
15. I do not like sleeping on the top of a bunk bed. (I did not have my own bed until I was 15, I didn't known what to do when I had my own bed)
16. When I was younger, around 4th grade age, my favorite nun (a FSSJ Sister) had hip replacement surgery and I carried my brother around on my hip so much that I used to say/think "I'm going to need hip replacement surgery when I'm 14!"
(my hips are/were, in fact, crooked)
17. I've had stitches twice (my lip when I was 8 and my knee when I was 13).
18. I want to get better at sewing, canning and drawing.
19. most humbling things in my life--raising steers (my first year especially), my first year of shooting trap (shotgun) & babysitting.
20. my least domestic skill=cooking
21. I have 3 sisters, 3 sisters, and 3 siblings in heaven (2 are buried at Holy Redeemer in Perry Wisconsin and one is buried at Saint Mary's Pine Bluff. My mom didn't formally name them, but I did a year or so after the last one died---Caroline Anne (after the Melissa Wiley books about Laura Ingalls Wilder's mom), Francesco James, "James", (after our great grandpa's on my mom's side of the family) & Jennifer Marie (after Jennifer Mackintosh of the wildflowers & marbles blog)
1. My middle name is Marie
2. I am named after my Great Grandpa (Francesco>Francesca)
3. My favorite education Methods are: Charlotte Mason and Montessori, and then Classical and Independent/Robinson methods after that.
4. I love comedy and comedians! (think: Sebastian Maniscalo, My Cousin Vinny and Jerry Sienfeld)
5. My very favorite book from age 20: Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry
6. my favorite devotions/devotions I am trying to cultivate in my life: spiritual motherhood for priests/seminarians, Sacred Heart of Jesus, & living the liturgical year.
7. I have the Angelus Press 1962 Roman Catholic Daily Missal
8. My favorite livestock: steers/heifers (dairy & beef, but mostly beef) & pigs (and sometimes sheep)
9. I categorize my clothes as "lucky" and "unlucky" and name them after people, "J... G... skirt" & "original J...G...skirt" (long black skirts), "Mrs P... pants" (leggings)...
10. One thing I want to achieve in life--finish what my Grandma called "the book".
11. I like learning about history, the Latin mass, the liturgical year & art.
12.I've seen Jerry Sienfeld live.
13. When I was younger I liked learning about history--especially American History, and particularly- Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, the Great Depression & World War 2.
14. I get headaches a lot starting when I was 14.5 when I was 15.5 I started going to the doctor for this very thing...ENTs (several times), an MRI, a neurologist, and lastly, an allergy test (on my arm) when I was 16--I am allergic to dust mites & dust.
14. I pulled a cuterebra bug (parasite) out of a kitten before.
15. I do not like sleeping on the top of a bunk bed. (I did not have my own bed until I was 15, I didn't known what to do when I had my own bed)
16. When I was younger, around 4th grade age, my favorite nun (a FSSJ Sister) had hip replacement surgery and I carried my brother around on my hip so much that I used to say/think "I'm going to need hip replacement surgery when I'm 14!"
(my hips are/were, in fact, crooked)
17. I've had stitches twice (my lip when I was 8 and my knee when I was 13).
18. I want to get better at sewing, canning and drawing.
19. most humbling things in my life--raising steers (my first year especially), my first year of shooting trap (shotgun) & babysitting.
20. my least domestic skill=cooking
21. I have 3 sisters, 3 sisters, and 3 siblings in heaven (2 are buried at Holy Redeemer in Perry Wisconsin and one is buried at Saint Mary's Pine Bluff. My mom didn't formally name them, but I did a year or so after the last one died---Caroline Anne (after the Melissa Wiley books about Laura Ingalls Wilder's mom), Francesco James, "James", (after our great grandpa's on my mom's side of the family) & Jennifer Marie (after Jennifer Mackintosh of the wildflowers & marbles blog)
Monday, November 12, 2018
Lessons learned in Ashland
These last few days have been a little more than crazy for me. I had the opportunity to visit a family that I used to babysit for --they moved up to Ashland at the end of the summer. And, best of all, I got to babysit for them again, as the parents went on an overnight trip to a wedding. This was my first time babysitting over night. I live in Brooklyn, so Ashland is 5 hours away. Ashland is on Lake Superior. I did this 5 hour babysitting trip between 2 other babysitting bookends--9-12 on Thursday, and came home in time on Sunday for babysitting (3:30-7). Yes, I will admit, that I am a little insane. So here is a little run down of the last few days + lessons learned.
Wednesday Afternoon:
I babysat the old neighbor's of the family in Ashland. They had a baby girl born the day before (a home birth) so I got the meet her.
I left their house and went to Mrs KBL's. I explained to her how she won't see me for a few days. We flipped through new pictures that one of her sons sent her. We said a rosary (I have got to get better at the Apostle's Creed!!). Then we were looking pictures in her room and just being friends. We are the strangest pair. After about an hour of our great time together I peeled myself away since I still had to pack. Man, goodbyes are hard. (this was our third "long" break of not seeing each other.)
Thursday Morning:
I went to mass and then babysat like normal and my sister brought my youngest brother and sister. We left Madison just before 1 with a 5 hour drive ahead of us.
I had never driven more than an hour straight before, and I really didn't know what was ahead of me. I had my spotify all loaded up with even more songs. And I did a lot of eating and listened to music the whole way there. We were really jamming out. We took 2 stops. The farther north we got the more snow we encountered. I recognized some of the towns from going Rabbit/hare hunting with my dad. We made it to the house just after 6. There was a lot of excitement when we entered the door. we got the grand tour of the house--it was so big and beautiful. It took me a few hours to get oriented to the structure of the house. They had new things in this house that wasn't at their other house. One thing I was excited to discover was this picture because Mrs KBL has the same one on her mantle.
Friday Morning:
the older kids went to school and their parents left with the baby. While the kids were at school, my siblings and their kid #4 went out to adventure around Ashland. Our Grandpa (Dad's dad) grew up in Ashland but we had never been there before--I had never been that far North. We went to the Lake, 2 cemeteries and drove around town for a little.
It snowed most of our trip there. The kids came home from school, and the craziness began. I was watching 6 kids (my sister-11, my brother-9, their girls- 8 and 9, their boys-4 and 6.) We busied ourselves with lots of things--dance parties, playing outside, going to Kwik Trip, a Baltimore Catechism quiz, playing games, going to the play room at the library, perlor beads & such. It was crazy. I felt a little insane.
My limits became obvious early on--like I have endurance for 9 hours of babysitting, I had a headache on Saturday and I realized that I need to find something to do when I have a headache so that I am not so out of commission when I have a headache, you don't actually get a full night of sleep when babysitting overnight....
I learned more "large family logistics".
6 kids!
(Friday night we did an early dinner, clean up, and a rosary; then I let them watch a movie. I snapped this picture real quick before I ran upstairs to shower.)
Friday night I was so proud of myself--After the kids went to bed I wanted to wait downstairs for about 10 minutes before going up to bed myself. I thought for a minute or so of what to do. I heard the ding that the dishwasher was done running--I love dishwashers so, I lived my most glamorous life, at 8:56 I started unloading the dishwasher for the next day.
Their parents came home just before 6 on Saturday. We all had a big, loud, joyous dinner. Then we all went to a real, authentic Native American Pow Wow at the high school. It was really fun.Back at the house, we said our rosary and sent the kids to bed. Then, their mom and I stayed up until 12:20 just sitting and talking. This was extremely late for me but I am so glad that she and I had that time together.
I learned so much about her/her family/her marriage, Mrs KBL (who is her godmother), the Latin mass, recent church history, the SSPX, St Therese's, and lots of other things.
Sunday Morning:
we woke up and went to mass with them at our Lady of the Lake church. It was a pretty and a not pretty church at the same time. Right after mass, we jumped back in the car for the 5 hour trip home. the pressure was on to get back home since I had to babysit at 3:30.The ride home was more snow filled than the way there. And it was just mentally harder for me than the ride up. I got the kids home at 3:08, checked on the steers and was back on the road to babysit. I babysat from 3:30-7. Everyone wanted to know about my trip but I could only stand around for so long--I hadn't seen Mrs KBL in 4 days!!
Sunday Night:
I got to Mrs KBL's at 7:45 and she was SO excited to see me. It was amazing! I told her all about everything that happened and I heard all the new goings on at her apartment. (her caregiver has gone from a Walmart lover to a St Vinnys lover) It was a joy filled time.
Its 10:30am on Monday and I am still exhausted from all of that.
Wednesday Afternoon:
I babysat the old neighbor's of the family in Ashland. They had a baby girl born the day before (a home birth) so I got the meet her.
I left their house and went to Mrs KBL's. I explained to her how she won't see me for a few days. We flipped through new pictures that one of her sons sent her. We said a rosary (I have got to get better at the Apostle's Creed!!). Then we were looking pictures in her room and just being friends. We are the strangest pair. After about an hour of our great time together I peeled myself away since I still had to pack. Man, goodbyes are hard. (this was our third "long" break of not seeing each other.)
Thursday Morning:
I went to mass and then babysat like normal and my sister brought my youngest brother and sister. We left Madison just before 1 with a 5 hour drive ahead of us.
I had never driven more than an hour straight before, and I really didn't know what was ahead of me. I had my spotify all loaded up with even more songs. And I did a lot of eating and listened to music the whole way there. We were really jamming out. We took 2 stops. The farther north we got the more snow we encountered. I recognized some of the towns from going Rabbit/hare hunting with my dad. We made it to the house just after 6. There was a lot of excitement when we entered the door. we got the grand tour of the house--it was so big and beautiful. It took me a few hours to get oriented to the structure of the house. They had new things in this house that wasn't at their other house. One thing I was excited to discover was this picture because Mrs KBL has the same one on her mantle.
Friday Morning:
the older kids went to school and their parents left with the baby. While the kids were at school, my siblings and their kid #4 went out to adventure around Ashland. Our Grandpa (Dad's dad) grew up in Ashland but we had never been there before--I had never been that far North. We went to the Lake, 2 cemeteries and drove around town for a little.
It snowed most of our trip there. The kids came home from school, and the craziness began. I was watching 6 kids (my sister-11, my brother-9, their girls- 8 and 9, their boys-4 and 6.) We busied ourselves with lots of things--dance parties, playing outside, going to Kwik Trip, a Baltimore Catechism quiz, playing games, going to the play room at the library, perlor beads & such. It was crazy. I felt a little insane.
My limits became obvious early on--like I have endurance for 9 hours of babysitting, I had a headache on Saturday and I realized that I need to find something to do when I have a headache so that I am not so out of commission when I have a headache, you don't actually get a full night of sleep when babysitting overnight....
I learned more "large family logistics".
6 kids!
(Friday night we did an early dinner, clean up, and a rosary; then I let them watch a movie. I snapped this picture real quick before I ran upstairs to shower.)
Friday night I was so proud of myself--After the kids went to bed I wanted to wait downstairs for about 10 minutes before going up to bed myself. I thought for a minute or so of what to do. I heard the ding that the dishwasher was done running--I love dishwashers so, I lived my most glamorous life, at 8:56 I started unloading the dishwasher for the next day.
Their parents came home just before 6 on Saturday. We all had a big, loud, joyous dinner. Then we all went to a real, authentic Native American Pow Wow at the high school. It was really fun.Back at the house, we said our rosary and sent the kids to bed. Then, their mom and I stayed up until 12:20 just sitting and talking. This was extremely late for me but I am so glad that she and I had that time together.
I learned so much about her/her family/her marriage, Mrs KBL (who is her godmother), the Latin mass, recent church history, the SSPX, St Therese's, and lots of other things.
Sunday Morning:
we woke up and went to mass with them at our Lady of the Lake church. It was a pretty and a not pretty church at the same time. Right after mass, we jumped back in the car for the 5 hour trip home. the pressure was on to get back home since I had to babysit at 3:30.The ride home was more snow filled than the way there. And it was just mentally harder for me than the ride up. I got the kids home at 3:08, checked on the steers and was back on the road to babysit. I babysat from 3:30-7. Everyone wanted to know about my trip but I could only stand around for so long--I hadn't seen Mrs KBL in 4 days!!
Sunday Night:
I got to Mrs KBL's at 7:45 and she was SO excited to see me. It was amazing! I told her all about everything that happened and I heard all the new goings on at her apartment. (her caregiver has gone from a Walmart lover to a St Vinnys lover) It was a joy filled time.
Its 10:30am on Monday and I am still exhausted from all of that.
Sunday, October 7, 2018
A Wild Afternoon:: The Fruit of my work
"Wait a little while and the fruit will fall into your hands"-Esperanza Rising
This is going down as one of our best, most wild days together. She was in such a rare form. I have never experienced any thing like this before. This is a side of her that I don't know if I have seen before. She was cracking herself up so much and laughing so hard. This is a day that I want to remember. I took a picture of us together to commemorate this day. We compared our hand sizes, I showed her my stitches scars, I told her about how I singed off some of my thumb hair today, had many laughing fits, listened to the Beatles and we're entertaining each other with some comedy. There she sat, and I sat on a black stool next to her.You can't plan for days like this, they just happen and they are amazing. We had so much fun together! We are such comedians together! When I came home, I was telling my mom all of the things that happened and all of the things that she said in the 2 1/2 hours I was there. I was sitting in our kitchen and I was laughing so hard.
I can't really explain the joy or how grateful I am. I am so glad that she lives so near me. This was an amazing afternoon with her. I had already seen her this morning at Mass. I didn't sit with her but I hung around with her after Mass in the Narthex. I am always so proud to be hanging around with her! She told me that my jacket was "nice" and I helped her to navigate back through the Narthex and church and back to the car. I think she said "hi there" when I said "bye" to her when she was in the car. I wasn't able to do brunch with them all today since I had to babysit for some of the afternoon. On my way home they were watching the packer game. I can't just drive past her house with out stopping in. I hadn't planned on staying long since I wanted to clean out the barn today. But things were going so well, more than well really, and I just couldn't leave. We didn't do our average routine of a rosary, some reading, me telling her the feast day or even flicking through SmugMug on her iPad, but we had a beyond average day. It's not like she had a perfect memory, but it was probably as close to perfect as she can get now. and I still had to adjust things for her 80,000 times. and she still said things that made absolutely no sense, but, this was an amazing day. The dementia was still there, but its almost like it was a little absent for just a while. It was a really good day. I want more days like this with her. I will take every day and every moment like this with her that I can!
Days like this, moments like these with her, make me feel like I could fly. I have more confidence. I beam. I feel like I am on top of the world. I feel refreshed. encouraged. renewed. full of joy. the pain and memories of the bad days, the difficulties, the discouragement all melt away and I think "I want to do this more". "Let's do this again!" , "I want to do so many things with her!" I am on an upbeat. I feel like I've conquered the world. I re-claimed a lot of much needed sanity this afternoon with her!
What is the fruit of my work?
-when she says, "I am so glad that you came today" when I hug her goodbye.
-when she says, "I love you" to me and kisses me on the cheek.
-when her caregiver says, "she was asking for you"
-when I walk in and she gets so excited to see me.
(and, yes, I am already planning what we will do tomorrow...maybe some magazine reading... I won't have too long to stay there but we're going to pack it in. I told her caregiver to text me when she is awake. So I will be awaiting an ever important text. I can't wait to be with her again! I love her so much!)
This is going down as one of our best, most wild days together. She was in such a rare form. I have never experienced any thing like this before. This is a side of her that I don't know if I have seen before. She was cracking herself up so much and laughing so hard. This is a day that I want to remember. I took a picture of us together to commemorate this day. We compared our hand sizes, I showed her my stitches scars, I told her about how I singed off some of my thumb hair today, had many laughing fits, listened to the Beatles and we're entertaining each other with some comedy. There she sat, and I sat on a black stool next to her.You can't plan for days like this, they just happen and they are amazing. We had so much fun together! We are such comedians together! When I came home, I was telling my mom all of the things that happened and all of the things that she said in the 2 1/2 hours I was there. I was sitting in our kitchen and I was laughing so hard.
I can't really explain the joy or how grateful I am. I am so glad that she lives so near me. This was an amazing afternoon with her. I had already seen her this morning at Mass. I didn't sit with her but I hung around with her after Mass in the Narthex. I am always so proud to be hanging around with her! She told me that my jacket was "nice" and I helped her to navigate back through the Narthex and church and back to the car. I think she said "hi there" when I said "bye" to her when she was in the car. I wasn't able to do brunch with them all today since I had to babysit for some of the afternoon. On my way home they were watching the packer game. I can't just drive past her house with out stopping in. I hadn't planned on staying long since I wanted to clean out the barn today. But things were going so well, more than well really, and I just couldn't leave. We didn't do our average routine of a rosary, some reading, me telling her the feast day or even flicking through SmugMug on her iPad, but we had a beyond average day. It's not like she had a perfect memory, but it was probably as close to perfect as she can get now. and I still had to adjust things for her 80,000 times. and she still said things that made absolutely no sense, but, this was an amazing day. The dementia was still there, but its almost like it was a little absent for just a while. It was a really good day. I want more days like this with her. I will take every day and every moment like this with her that I can!
Days like this, moments like these with her, make me feel like I could fly. I have more confidence. I beam. I feel like I am on top of the world. I feel refreshed. encouraged. renewed. full of joy. the pain and memories of the bad days, the difficulties, the discouragement all melt away and I think "I want to do this more". "Let's do this again!" , "I want to do so many things with her!" I am on an upbeat. I feel like I've conquered the world. I re-claimed a lot of much needed sanity this afternoon with her!
What is the fruit of my work?
-when she says, "I am so glad that you came today" when I hug her goodbye.
-when she says, "I love you" to me and kisses me on the cheek.
-when her caregiver says, "she was asking for you"
-when I walk in and she gets so excited to see me.
(and, yes, I am already planning what we will do tomorrow...maybe some magazine reading... I won't have too long to stay there but we're going to pack it in. I told her caregiver to text me when she is awake. So I will be awaiting an ever important text. I can't wait to be with her again! I love her so much!)
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
WE DID IT AGAIN!
Yesterday we had a great day together! We did it again! We saw each other 3X in one day! What a feat!
Since the day that we saw each other twice in one day, I have wanted to make it so we see each other 3X in one day. On July 4th (2018) we saw each other twice in one day. I don't know if that day counts because in the afternoon she was asleep the whole time and I don't know if she ever even knew if I was there. And at night, I stayed with her so everyone could go to the fireworks. She was in bed already and asleep, but she woke up for awhile and was very confused. Since then we have seen each other twice in one day lots of times. And since then I keep telling her how cool it would be if we could see each other three times in one day.
On September 8th, we were able to see each other 3X in one day! Once I knew it was within reach for me, I just kept making it so I could go over there. On visit #1, she wanted me to take her to Briman's Jewlery in Topeka Kansas. On visit #2, I didn't stay for long but she was in a better mood. On visit #3, we said a rosary and Litany of Loreto in honor of the feast that day (Nativity of Mary). I was eating a banana and she wanted one. when I opened it for her I said,"you want to be just like me right? is your life goal to be just like me?" and she said "oh yes".
Then, life continued, one day last week, Wednesday, we saw each other twice in one hour (That was pretty wild). I keep telling her she might get tired of seeing me and she says she won't. I keep telling the caregivers they might get tired of seeing me and they say "come anytime. we'll be here" (I sometimes tell the caregiver to text me when she is awake so I know how early I can come over). This weekend she had 2 substitute caregivers, and when I met them on Friday afternoon I told them they'd see me over at the house plenty. "We've been warned!" they told me. It was interesting to have different caregivers this past weekend, and to explain to them that I visit her a lot without them knowing me that well. I think after seeing me twice on Friday, and seeing my shrine up at the house, they believed me. When the regular caregiver came back, they told her all about how much I can over and what I did with her.
Yesterday, I didn't plan to see her that many times, but it worked out that way, and I am so glad that it did! from my notebook:
"Trip #1: 12:45-1:15
me: why are you just sitting in the middle of the sidewalk?
her: I'm letting the sun hit my back.
Trip #2: 4-4:30
.....
"I always hate it when you leave"-she said to me.
Trip #3: 6:30-7:30
me: do you know how many times we've seen each other today?
her: no
me: (hold up 3 fingers)
her: oh, I thought it was 4 times.
It was after that we decided that 4X in one day will be our next goal.
The bugs were bad. we sat outside and watched the sunset and talked."
We had a GREAT day yesterday! and I am so glad! It is very encouraging to have great days like yesterday. We did all the usual things too, like me driving past slowly and waving and saying bye. and her sitting on the sidewalk doing the same. Yesterday, It was good to do some writing about our great day together. And a bonus reason why the day was so good, she didn't run over my feet at all! Life is good! I've been feeling on an upbeat with my days with her. ("feeling on an upbeat" is a phrase I have seen in my Grandma's writing, and I like to use that phrase)
Today, I don't know think I'll be able to go over there, and that is sad. So, I'll pray for her, and read through my notebooks about all of the adventures we've had. Maybe, I'll do some writing too. And then, I will be eager, excited and anxious to see her again.
St Catherine Laboure, pray for us!
Since the day that we saw each other twice in one day, I have wanted to make it so we see each other 3X in one day. On July 4th (2018) we saw each other twice in one day. I don't know if that day counts because in the afternoon she was asleep the whole time and I don't know if she ever even knew if I was there. And at night, I stayed with her so everyone could go to the fireworks. She was in bed already and asleep, but she woke up for awhile and was very confused. Since then we have seen each other twice in one day lots of times. And since then I keep telling her how cool it would be if we could see each other three times in one day.
On September 8th, we were able to see each other 3X in one day! Once I knew it was within reach for me, I just kept making it so I could go over there. On visit #1, she wanted me to take her to Briman's Jewlery in Topeka Kansas. On visit #2, I didn't stay for long but she was in a better mood. On visit #3, we said a rosary and Litany of Loreto in honor of the feast that day (Nativity of Mary). I was eating a banana and she wanted one. when I opened it for her I said,"you want to be just like me right? is your life goal to be just like me?" and she said "oh yes".
Then, life continued, one day last week, Wednesday, we saw each other twice in one hour (That was pretty wild). I keep telling her she might get tired of seeing me and she says she won't. I keep telling the caregivers they might get tired of seeing me and they say "come anytime. we'll be here" (I sometimes tell the caregiver to text me when she is awake so I know how early I can come over). This weekend she had 2 substitute caregivers, and when I met them on Friday afternoon I told them they'd see me over at the house plenty. "We've been warned!" they told me. It was interesting to have different caregivers this past weekend, and to explain to them that I visit her a lot without them knowing me that well. I think after seeing me twice on Friday, and seeing my shrine up at the house, they believed me. When the regular caregiver came back, they told her all about how much I can over and what I did with her.
Yesterday, I didn't plan to see her that many times, but it worked out that way, and I am so glad that it did! from my notebook:
"Trip #1: 12:45-1:15
me: why are you just sitting in the middle of the sidewalk?
her: I'm letting the sun hit my back.
Trip #2: 4-4:30
.....
"I always hate it when you leave"-she said to me.
Trip #3: 6:30-7:30
me: do you know how many times we've seen each other today?
her: no
me: (hold up 3 fingers)
her: oh, I thought it was 4 times.
It was after that we decided that 4X in one day will be our next goal.
The bugs were bad. we sat outside and watched the sunset and talked."
We had a GREAT day yesterday! and I am so glad! It is very encouraging to have great days like yesterday. We did all the usual things too, like me driving past slowly and waving and saying bye. and her sitting on the sidewalk doing the same. Yesterday, It was good to do some writing about our great day together. And a bonus reason why the day was so good, she didn't run over my feet at all! Life is good! I've been feeling on an upbeat with my days with her. ("feeling on an upbeat" is a phrase I have seen in my Grandma's writing, and I like to use that phrase)
Today, I don't know think I'll be able to go over there, and that is sad. So, I'll pray for her, and read through my notebooks about all of the adventures we've had. Maybe, I'll do some writing too. And then, I will be eager, excited and anxious to see her again.
St Catherine Laboure, pray for us!
Friday, August 24, 2018
6 months//the story of how we met & the begining of us
"Tomorrow is our 6 month anniversary, you know", I said as I handed her a milano. "that's unique", she said sounding a little less than impressed. She spent most of the time I was there today sleeping so I had the opportunity to think some on the last 6 months of our lives. It is the eve of *our* anniversary after all...
When I knew she was moving back to Wisconsin, I already knew that I'd want to spend time with her and EAL (her daughter) had already been asking if I'd help with rotating for her. I had said yes but what did I know. I knew nothing of her or what taking care of her would entail. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into at all. And its probably a good thing that I had no idea what to expect with/of/from her...
She had arrived back in Wisconsin in early February, some time around the 7th I think, and for whatever reason I wasn't overly-motivated to meet her right away. February 25th. It was a day that I spent at a mineral point youth wrestling tournament and reading through my psychology textbook for most of the day. It did not seem like an important day in my life. My family and I had left home and I was reading/taking notes on "the theology of the body in hour" by Jason Evert. We went to get my sister from a friends house and I went in to get her. at the time this day was clearly not registering as a very important day in my brain as all my note book states is that I met her. She had her wheelchair jacked up with her legs sticking out, her head hung down and she didn't say much to me. We got in the car and I went back to my study.
February 27th. another typical day of State and Local Government class, 12:10 mass & prayer. It was a big day for me, my first day of teaching/helping teach Mrs KBL's grandchildren. What a treat! Mrs KBL, on our second day today, said these words over and over again as I read "Mr Putter and Tabby paint the fence." and went through lessons with the girls, "My mom always said if you know how to read, you will never be lonely." In the days ahead that I spent teaching, she'd be there telling me what to do or making suggestions. Sometimes I'd humor her and say, "is this how you'd teach your kids???" I tried to get to know her in those days and build a relationship with her but I didn't feel like the connection was really happening. about two weeks after we met she was in the hospital for a week. But, in these days, we mostly didn't have much to do with each other. I mostly concentrated on my teaching when I was at the house. but I did slowly begin learning how to meet her (many) demands and know what she means when she says things/what she wants.
I don't remember the day exactly and I couldn't find it in my notebooks. but, some day at the end of March, it was the day we were moving her into her new apartment and I wanted to stay to be a part of that. Lessons were done for the day and there were about 40 minutes there before we took off that I feel like were the first day that she and I were able to connect. at the apartment, I was the only person she would ask for "help" from. April 29th, Holy Thursday, was the first day after her being in her new apartment that I went to go visit her by myself for the first time. In my journal I state, "Today I had the great joy of visiting Mrs KBL this afternoon. I prayed a rosary (the joyful mysteries), the stations of the cross (the cathedral parish version), st Michael prayer, Guardian angel prayer & act of contrition with her...it was a really great experience for me and I feel like I have achieved everything. except, it happened, the glory days are over, she did not know who I was. Well, anyways, that was going to happen sometime...". Holy Saturday was my next attempt at visiting her and she kicked me out of the house. Those next few weeks I visited her every few days and tried to get her to know who I was/like me. It was hard. I really don't know why I kept going there. It's not like I ever questioned why I went there, I just went. Who know why I kept going. We said rosaries, blessed ourselves with her relics, and watched Andy Griffith in those days. Those were the days when things would fall a part and she would come completely unglued often. Yet I was still thinking of ways to spend time with her and what books I could read with her. Hardly any days were a success in those days. But constant repetition on my part paid off as the month of April came to a close, she would be excited to see me every time we saw each other, she'd hug me when I went & tell me to come back soon. We some how became friends. Then, my family and I went to Italy for 2 weeks in May. Every morning I'd wake up in a panic completely worried that she'd forget about me and every night I worried that I would have to do all that work again. I agonized and stressed and was anxious the whole trip. We come home late on a Saturday night-sadly too late to visit her. I saw to it that all my affairs were in order and went to bed. That morning I had the surprise of going to Mass where she goes. When we got to mass, I raced over before mass even started, hugged her and looked at her so she could look me over. "You're back." she said and she beamed. My heart nearly burst and I cried. She remembered me! Nothing mattered after that! That was the happiest Sunday mass ever! After the Italy trip, I increased the amount of times I'd visit her. We began doing more things and I'd take her places. Some time at the beginning of June is when you could say, the rest is history, because now, we are the bestest of friends. Look at us now! Our outings, our many hours together at her house, and my excitement to spend more time with her. We really our best buds, her and I. And I am so very glad that we are and so grateful for our most treasured relationship. I am excited for our future adventures & I hope that we have many more!
When I knew she was moving back to Wisconsin, I already knew that I'd want to spend time with her and EAL (her daughter) had already been asking if I'd help with rotating for her. I had said yes but what did I know. I knew nothing of her or what taking care of her would entail. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into at all. And its probably a good thing that I had no idea what to expect with/of/from her...
She had arrived back in Wisconsin in early February, some time around the 7th I think, and for whatever reason I wasn't overly-motivated to meet her right away. February 25th. It was a day that I spent at a mineral point youth wrestling tournament and reading through my psychology textbook for most of the day. It did not seem like an important day in my life. My family and I had left home and I was reading/taking notes on "the theology of the body in hour" by Jason Evert. We went to get my sister from a friends house and I went in to get her. at the time this day was clearly not registering as a very important day in my brain as all my note book states is that I met her. She had her wheelchair jacked up with her legs sticking out, her head hung down and she didn't say much to me. We got in the car and I went back to my study.
February 27th. another typical day of State and Local Government class, 12:10 mass & prayer. It was a big day for me, my first day of teaching/helping teach Mrs KBL's grandchildren. What a treat! Mrs KBL, on our second day today, said these words over and over again as I read "Mr Putter and Tabby paint the fence." and went through lessons with the girls, "My mom always said if you know how to read, you will never be lonely." In the days ahead that I spent teaching, she'd be there telling me what to do or making suggestions. Sometimes I'd humor her and say, "is this how you'd teach your kids???" I tried to get to know her in those days and build a relationship with her but I didn't feel like the connection was really happening. about two weeks after we met she was in the hospital for a week. But, in these days, we mostly didn't have much to do with each other. I mostly concentrated on my teaching when I was at the house. but I did slowly begin learning how to meet her (many) demands and know what she means when she says things/what she wants.
I don't remember the day exactly and I couldn't find it in my notebooks. but, some day at the end of March, it was the day we were moving her into her new apartment and I wanted to stay to be a part of that. Lessons were done for the day and there were about 40 minutes there before we took off that I feel like were the first day that she and I were able to connect. at the apartment, I was the only person she would ask for "help" from. April 29th, Holy Thursday, was the first day after her being in her new apartment that I went to go visit her by myself for the first time. In my journal I state, "Today I had the great joy of visiting Mrs KBL this afternoon. I prayed a rosary (the joyful mysteries), the stations of the cross (the cathedral parish version), st Michael prayer, Guardian angel prayer & act of contrition with her...it was a really great experience for me and I feel like I have achieved everything. except, it happened, the glory days are over, she did not know who I was. Well, anyways, that was going to happen sometime...". Holy Saturday was my next attempt at visiting her and she kicked me out of the house. Those next few weeks I visited her every few days and tried to get her to know who I was/like me. It was hard. I really don't know why I kept going there. It's not like I ever questioned why I went there, I just went. Who know why I kept going. We said rosaries, blessed ourselves with her relics, and watched Andy Griffith in those days. Those were the days when things would fall a part and she would come completely unglued often. Yet I was still thinking of ways to spend time with her and what books I could read with her. Hardly any days were a success in those days. But constant repetition on my part paid off as the month of April came to a close, she would be excited to see me every time we saw each other, she'd hug me when I went & tell me to come back soon. We some how became friends. Then, my family and I went to Italy for 2 weeks in May. Every morning I'd wake up in a panic completely worried that she'd forget about me and every night I worried that I would have to do all that work again. I agonized and stressed and was anxious the whole trip. We come home late on a Saturday night-sadly too late to visit her. I saw to it that all my affairs were in order and went to bed. That morning I had the surprise of going to Mass where she goes. When we got to mass, I raced over before mass even started, hugged her and looked at her so she could look me over. "You're back." she said and she beamed. My heart nearly burst and I cried. She remembered me! Nothing mattered after that! That was the happiest Sunday mass ever! After the Italy trip, I increased the amount of times I'd visit her. We began doing more things and I'd take her places. Some time at the beginning of June is when you could say, the rest is history, because now, we are the bestest of friends. Look at us now! Our outings, our many hours together at her house, and my excitement to spend more time with her. We really our best buds, her and I. And I am so very glad that we are and so grateful for our most treasured relationship. I am excited for our future adventures & I hope that we have many more!
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
"Its a work of mercy for me to be with you right now."
I've been on an upbeat because the last two days with her have been the greatest days. Complete encouragement & great joy. It's not always like this, Not every day is a good day. Three days ago she said I was "so stupid", five days ago she was "extremely angry" with me, wondering "whats wrong with you?! You're such a snot. I've never seen you like this in all my life." That day I laughed her dramatics off, I thought it was hilarious. But, some days its hard and I get discouraged and I wonder why I even ever do things with her. Dementia is rough. She can be/get very harsh. Things can get burdensome. frustrations. I want to scream, "this is so miserable!" So I wanted to write a letter of encouragement for myself, to emphasize the good (its better to mostly forget the bad), the next time we have a bad day, and I hope not soon, I'll read back on this and remember some things for some comedic relief...
"I hate sheds. I hate the word shed."
"my gimpy arm is in the way." (8/21/18)
"I don't have time for frolicking."
"Those cars were snazzy."
"I can't talk. I'm too tired." (7/23/18)
"I should get a Porsche." (7/23/18)
"We can be blood sisters now."
"Is that thumb too big for you? Because I'm wondering if a smaller one would be better for you?" (7/8/18)
"I hope you choke on a scapular in your sleep and die." (7/4/18)
These quotes should give you a small insight, a very small one, on life with her. Most things she says don't mean anything to me, and some days she is actually hilarious. Sometimes she is mean and you have to say "We don't talk to me like that." Other times, most of the times, she acts like she is my best friend (lets be honest, I am pretty sure she is.) We met on February 25th 2018. we didn't have the greatest start..."get this strange women out of my house." she said on the morning of Holy Saturday. Most days back then she couldn't remember her kids names, she thought her husband was still alive and she was confused about just about everything. But constant repetition on my part paid off as the month of April came to a close, she would be excited to see me every time we saw each other, she'd hug me when I went & tell me to come back soon. Then, my family and I went to Italy for 2 weeks in May. Every morning I'd wake up in a panic completely worried that she'd forget about me and every night I worried that I would have to do all that work again. I agonized and stressed and was anxious the whole trip. We come home late on a Saturday night-sadly too late to visit her. I saw to it that all my affairs were in order and went to bed. That morning I had the surprise of going to Mass where she goes. When we got to mass, I raced over before mass even started, hugged her and looked at her so she could look me over. "You're back." she said and she beamed. My heart nearly burst and I cried. She remembered me! Nothing mattered after that! That was the happiest Sunday mass ever!
Our outings are generally great fun for the both of us, but sometimes I get yelled at and a "You're-so-terrible" speech the whole half hour ride home. We had a streak where we saw each other 22 days in a row. We've seen each other twice in one day lots of times. Sometimes I'm there for hours. Sometimes she sleeps the whole time I'm there. We've had plenty of mishaps and all kinds of adventures together. I've become a master at steering her wheelchair.
I've learned that an average day IS a good day. Our current routine, but also mostly consistent over the last 6 months is: a rosary, blessing ourselves with her reliquaries, watching TV or looking through family picture albums, and doing some reading. We've read through the 40 dreams of st John Bosco twice this summer and two nights ago, we started the Introduction to the Devout life. we are currently on page 9. I have the same missal as her for when we go to mass. Sometimes we read saints stories. Other times we just talk or watch the world go by outside. One week she couldn't remember her name, yet, later that day I was mixing things up on the Apostles Creed and she was able to correct me. Average/ good days, bad days or even great days are not something that we can plan, and they just happen. the joy of doing things with her and achieving experiences with her...I can't really explain it. I try to write about it, but the words don't seem to come. Like high tide and low tide are my days with her. I want to remember the good days, the funny things she's said and all the many lessons I've learn from her-life lessons; lessons in patience, kindness, and in charity; practical lessons too. Its exhausting but oh so satisfying.
I have lots of things I still want to do with her, places I want to take her and a million questions that I want to ask her. I will take as many average/good days as I can, and the great days are just magnificently encouraging. but, really, I try to take things one day at a time with her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)