Currently Reading This Week

Our Quest to Happiness series: Toward the Eternal Commencement

I've been reading this book for awhile, at least all Summer. Its good and all, but I haven't been plowing through it as quickly as I would have liked--I have read way too many catechism type books this summer. I put in a lot of reading/study in it this past week, so  I now have about 200 pages left. I am really hoping to finish this book this weekend and I think it will happen!

Introduction to the Devout Life   

This summer Mrs KBL and I read through the 40 dreams of St John Bosco twice. I like this book a lot, but for my sake, it needed to be rotated out of our reading pile for a little bit. Earlier this week I chose the Introduction of the Devout Life by St Francis de Sales for us to read together. Two years ago, I read this book for Advent but wasn't really into it but kept with it because it is a spiritual classic. This week I have gotten pretty into it. I don't think its the best book for us to read aloud, but its working for now. We are currently on page 39. I have skipped around a little bit while reading out loud because the meditations seemed a little weird to read out loud. We also sit and talk about the readings when I stop to catch my breath, and I always find those few minutes so valuable in our "reading time". With in a few hours of reading to her or the next morning, I take the time to make my notes on our reading either with quotes, a written narration or questions from the Kolbe Academy study guide for this book. As of now, I plan on us reading this book the whole way through, skipping some things here and there. With this book I don't, and really can't, have a goal for when to finish it. This book is clearly such a spiritual classic and I am so glad that I am taking time to read this book again!

Praying for our Priests by Monsignor Peter Dunne and Vicki Herout

This book came in the mail yesterday and I didn't get a chance to look it over to much yet, but I am excited to add it to my collection of Spiritual Motherhood for Priests/Seminarians resources. It seems more like a prayer book and less like a reading book.

6 months//the story of how we met & the begining of us

"Tomorrow is our 6 month anniversary, you know", I said as I handed her a milano. "that's unique", she said sounding a little less than impressed. She spent most of the time I was there today sleeping so I had the opportunity to think some on the last 6 months of our lives. It is the eve of *our* anniversary after all...

When I knew she was moving back to Wisconsin, I already knew that I'd want to spend time with her and EAL (her daughter) had already been asking if I'd help with rotating for her. I had said yes but what did I know. I knew nothing of her or what taking care of her would entail. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into at all. And its probably a good thing that I had no idea what to expect with/of/from her...

She had arrived  back in Wisconsin in early February, some time around the 7th I think, and for whatever reason I wasn't overly-motivated to meet her right away. February 25th. It was a day that I spent at a mineral point youth wrestling tournament and reading through my psychology textbook for most of the day. It did not seem like an important day in my life. My family and I had left home and I was reading/taking notes on "the theology of the body in hour" by Jason Evert. We went to get my sister from a friends house and I went in to get her. at the time this day was clearly not registering as a very important day in my brain as all  my note book states is that I met her. She had her wheelchair jacked up with her legs sticking out, her head hung down and she didn't say much to me. We got in the car and I went back to my study.

February 27th. another typical day of State and Local Government class, 12:10 mass & prayer. It was a big day for me, my first day of teaching/helping teach Mrs KBL's grandchildren. What a treat! Mrs KBL, on our second day today, said these words over and over again as I read "Mr Putter and Tabby paint the fence." and went through lessons with the girls, "My mom always said if you know how to read, you will never be lonely." In the days ahead that I spent teaching, she'd be there telling me what to do or making suggestions. Sometimes I'd humor her and say, "is this how you'd teach your kids???" I tried to get to know her in those days and build a relationship with her but I didn't feel like the connection was really happening. about two weeks after we met she was in the hospital for a week. But, in these days, we mostly didn't have much to do with each other. I mostly concentrated on my teaching when I was at the house. but I did slowly begin learning how to meet her (many) demands and know what she means when she says things/what she wants.

I don't remember the day exactly and I couldn't find it in my notebooks. but, some day at the end of March, it was the day we were moving her into her new apartment and I wanted to stay to be a part of that. Lessons were done for the day and there were about 40 minutes there before  we took off that I feel like were the first day that she and I were able to connect. at the apartment, I was the only person she would ask for "help" from. April 29th, Holy Thursday, was the first day after her being in her new apartment that I went to go visit her by myself for the first time. In my journal I state, "Today I had the great joy of visiting Mrs KBL this afternoon. I prayed a rosary (the joyful mysteries), the stations of the cross (the cathedral parish version), st Michael prayer, Guardian angel prayer & act of contrition with her...it was a really great experience for me and I feel like I have achieved everything. except, it happened, the glory days are over, she did not know who I was. Well, anyways, that was going to happen sometime...". Holy Saturday was my next attempt at visiting her and she kicked me out of the house. Those next few weeks I visited her every few days and tried to get her to know who I was/like me. It was hard.  I really don't know why I kept going there. It's not like I ever questioned why I went there, I just went. Who know why I kept going. We said rosaries, blessed ourselves with her relics, and watched Andy Griffith in those days. Those were the days when things would fall a part and she would come completely unglued often. Yet I was still thinking of ways to spend time with her and what books I could read with her. Hardly any days were a success in those days. But constant repetition on my part paid off as the month of April came to a close, she would be excited to see me every time we saw each other, she'd hug me when I went & tell me to come back soon. We some how became friends. Then, my family and I went to Italy for 2 weeks in May. Every morning I'd wake up in a panic completely worried that she'd forget about me and every night I worried that I would have to do all that work again. I agonized and stressed and was anxious the whole trip. We come home late on a Saturday night-sadly too late to visit her. I saw to it that all my affairs were in order and went to bed. That morning I had the surprise of going to Mass where she goes. When we got to mass, I raced over before mass even started, hugged her and looked at her so she could look me over. "You're back." she said and she beamed. My heart nearly burst and I cried. She remembered me! Nothing mattered after that! That was the happiest Sunday mass ever! After the Italy trip, I increased the amount of times I'd visit her. We began doing more things and I'd take her places. Some time at the beginning of June is when you could say, the rest is history, because now, we are the bestest of friends. Look at us now! Our outings, our many hours together at her house, and my excitement to spend more time with her. We really our best buds, her and I. And I am so very glad that we are and so grateful for our most treasured relationship. I am excited for our future adventures & I hope that we have many more!

"Its a work of mercy for me to be with you right now."

I've been on an upbeat because the last two days with her have been the greatest days. Complete encouragement & great joy. It's not always like this, Not every day is a good day. Three days ago she said I was "so stupid", five days ago she was "extremely angry" with me, wondering "whats wrong with you?! You're such a snot. I've never seen you like this in all my life." That day I laughed her dramatics off, I thought it was hilarious. But, some days its hard and I get discouraged and I wonder why I even ever do things with her. Dementia is rough. She can be/get very harsh. Things can get burdensome. frustrations. I want to scream, "this is so miserable!" So I wanted to write a letter of encouragement for myself, to emphasize the good (its better to mostly forget the bad), the next time we have a bad day, and I hope not soon, I'll read back on this and remember some things for some comedic relief...

"I hate sheds. I hate the word shed."

"my gimpy arm is in the way." (8/21/18)

"I don't have time for frolicking."

"Those cars were snazzy."

"I can't talk. I'm too tired." (7/23/18)

"I should get a Porsche." (7/23/18)

"We can be blood sisters now."

"Is that thumb too big for you? Because I'm wondering if a smaller one would be better for you?" (7/8/18)

"I hope you choke on a scapular in your sleep and die." (7/4/18)

These quotes should give you a small insight, a very small one, on life with her. Most things she says don't mean anything to me, and some days she is actually hilarious. Sometimes she is mean and you have to say "We don't talk to me like that." Other times, most of the times, she acts like she is my best friend (lets be honest, I am pretty sure she is.) We met on February 25th 2018. we didn't have the greatest start..."get this strange women out of my house." she said on the morning of Holy Saturday. Most days back then she couldn't remember her kids names, she thought her husband was still alive and she was confused about just about everything. But constant repetition on my part paid off as the month of April came to a close, she would be excited to see me every time we saw each other, she'd hug me when I went & tell me to come back soon. Then, my family and I went to Italy for 2 weeks in May. Every morning I'd wake up in a panic completely worried that she'd forget about me and every night I worried that I would have to do all that work again. I agonized and stressed and was anxious the whole trip. We come home late on a Saturday night-sadly too late to visit her. I saw to it that all my affairs were in order and went to bed. That morning I had the surprise of going to Mass where she goes. When we got to mass, I raced over before mass even started, hugged her and looked at her so she could look me over. "You're back." she said and she beamed. My heart nearly burst and I cried. She remembered me! Nothing mattered after that! That was the happiest Sunday mass ever! 

Our outings are generally great fun for the both of us, but sometimes I get yelled at and a "You're-so-terrible" speech the whole half hour ride home. We had a streak where we saw each other 22 days in a row. We've seen each other twice in one day lots of times. Sometimes I'm there for hours. Sometimes she sleeps the whole time I'm there. We've had plenty of mishaps and all kinds of adventures together. I've become a master at steering her wheelchair. 

I've learned that an average day IS a good day. Our current routine, but also mostly consistent over the last 6 months is: a rosary, blessing ourselves with her reliquaries, watching TV or looking through family picture albums, and doing some reading. We've read through the 40 dreams of st John Bosco twice this summer and two nights ago, we started the Introduction to the Devout life. we are currently on page 9. I have the same missal as her for when we go to mass. Sometimes we read saints stories. Other times we just talk or watch the world go by outside. One week she couldn't remember her name, yet, later that day I was mixing things up on the Apostles Creed and she was able to correct me. Average/ good days, bad days or even great days are not something that we can plan, and they just happen. the joy of doing things with her and achieving experiences with her...I can't really explain it. I try to write about it, but the words don't seem to come. Like high tide and low tide are my days with her. I want to remember the good days, the funny things she's said and all the many lessons I've learn from her-life lessons; lessons in patience, kindness, and in charity; practical lessons too. Its exhausting but oh so satisfying. 

I have lots of things I still want to do with her, places I want to take her and a million questions that I want to ask her. I will take as many average/good days as I can, and the great days are just magnificently encouraging. but, really, I try to take things one day at a time with her. 

Spiritual Motherhood for Priests/Seminarians Resources

The Spiritual Motherhood for priests and seminarians is one of my favorite devotions. When I was younger, but certainly not much younger, I didn't really see the importance of praying for priests with great intensity. Sure, I knew many priests in our diocese with varying degrees of familiarity and I had my favorites and all. And I did pray for priests, sometimes, but it wasn't until 3 or so years ago when I really realized the importance of the priesthood, the great need for priests and the seriousness of the vocation. I had first briefly discovered this devotion through this blog. Back then I had a close friend discerning the priesthood and he is now in the seminary. That's when I really began praying for his vocation, appreciating the priesthood and number of seminarians in my dioceses as well as making a big connection between the current seminarians being priests of the future, my future, and so now, I pray with great intensity with priests and seminarians and try to build strong & strengthen relationships with them. About two years ago I fully discovered this devotion it was through this talk and since then, and many notes and prayers later, I have gathered many resources. For awhile I offered my Tuesday mass for priests/seminarians. Now, its more like a daily thing for me. I usually say the Archbishop Brady Prayer for Vocations as well as one other prayer. And, I am always looking for new ideas to increase this devotion in my own life.

Prayers:
Archbishop Brady's Prayer for Vocations a parish that I regularly attend prays this prayer after the Gospel is read
A Daily Prayer for Priests
Jesus Make Me Worthy book, prayer for priests. I try to say this during/at mass at some point.
Institute of Christ the King when I first discovered this devotion this page was linked so this was the prayer I prayed.
Immaculate Heart of Mary Seminary  a close friend of mine is at this seminary right now

Links:
Seven Sisters Apostolate-about, actual website
Msgr Bartylla Homily, vocation story

Talks:
Sensus Fedelium  about 2 years ago I re-discovered this devotion through this talk

Reading Material:
Adoration, Reparation, Spiritual Motherhood for Priests  this is the booklet that is talked about in the above talk. its a good one to print off and have on hand.
The 40 Dreams of st John Bosco. one of my absolute favorite spiritual reading books. a friend and I read this book almost daily.
This book  I just discovered this book today and quickly ordered it from Amazon

My Desk This Week

This afternoon I had to laugh when I saw the things scattered on my desk.... The normal things are all there-- Tan Books Calendar, babysitting schedule (on post-it notes), waterbottle, shining light dolls & other statues, books I am currently reading, notebook, pen, new bottle of LAC enzymes I am trying out.... generally my desk isn't this cluttered and I think that is when/how I noticed the syringe, antibiotics bottle & tube of antibiotics ointment. These are for our kittens. Earlier this week 2 of our young kittens caught the disgusting cuterebra parasite. I watched the vet pull one out of the black kitten, and later that same day, I had the experience of pulling one out of the orange kitten. anyways, currently both kittens are getting some drops of the oral antibiotics (with the syringe, no needle) and we rub on come of the ointment on the spot of the parasite. Typically, we keep livestock medicine in a cupboard because of infrequent use. Right when we came back from the vet, I put all the medicine on my desk. and there it all sits to remind me to give them the medicine. I found it pretty comical to see the kitten meds mixed in with the rest of my things. 

Meeting Jerry Coniker

I couldn't believe it when I found out that Jerry Coniker died. It didn't seem real. Just a month before at my Grandpa's party, Kathy was telling me how well he was doing. After his funeral in Ohio, Kathy sent me pictures and little descriptions of everything.  Ever since I found out that he died, I have wanted to write about the impact that Jerry Coniker has had in my life. It has been a month now since he died, and, The inspired words have never seemed to come yet, so I guess this is it.

As the years go by, I remember less and less of hat day. Most of that day, and the year before it I'd like to block out anyways. I want to write this down so I will remember it in the years to come. I have the moment written in my lengthy Aunt Virg epic which I wrote right after her funeral. But my focus in that writing was more on Aunt Virg and the events surrounding her wake and funeral. It was a big deal to me that I met him but for whatever reason didn't get a lot of writing space in my long epic.

It was January 25th 2015. We were at Proko funeral home for my great Aunt Virg's funeral wake. This was the third death and funeral for our family in one year. Many people were there, many feelings were felt and there was much activity in the funeral home. We had already been there for hours, some time towards the end at night. I sat down on one of those 1970's styled couches. There was a man next to me who I recognized as my cousin Kathy's dad (later on in life, Kathy and I have gotten much closer) and as Jerry Coniker, I had a rough idea of who he was/what he has done and I remembered him sitting in the very back of the church months ago at my Grandma's funeral, still I didn't think much of it. Most likely, I sat down and was paying attention to something else. Seconds later, he fumbled with a opening a water bottle.  I asked him if he wanted me to do it and he said sure. He then asked who I was and I first said "Dolly's granddaughter" and then I realized that she is dead, so that is inaccurate, So then I quickly said that I am Bruno's granddaughter. Then, as recorded in my Aunt Virg epic, this is what happened, "Then I had to explain my relationship to his daughter and his son in law. Michael (his son-in-law)’s Mom, (Aunt) Cookie, is the oldest sister of my Grandma Dolly (my Mom’s mom). We covered all the bases of-a-good-conversation-with-someone-important: My Grandma's Funeral, Aunt Virg, Me, Where I Live, My Vocation, Catholic Familyland, His Wife, Books he's written, the future of Catholic's in America, Aunt Cookie, marriage, family, vocation discernment, dating, how neither of us could believe how many people were at Aunt Virg's funeral, Grandma Dolly, Grandma Dolly's funeral; I pointed out my Mom, Dad, siblings, and Grandpa Bruno. When Kathy would come over (he's her dad) Mr. Coniker would say things like: "She's a riot!", "She's darling!" and "Are you listening to this girl?!" And Kathy agreed with him every time. And I was just glowing the whole time. After Mr. Coniker left, my Grandpa called me over to explain to me who Mr. Coniker was and about when he went to Rome. (Like I didn’t already know?) Mr. Coniker also kept talking about this book he was going to give me at the funeral. I had my doubts that he’d pull through. But, hey, this was one of the most thrilling conversations I have ever had. It was a huge deal to be talking to him. And then that I talked to him for SO long, it’s quite unbelievable!! "

I don't know how long we had talked for, an hour or more probably. If I was the notebooking person that I am now, you can be so sure that I would have written everything down....I was grateful for our time together at the time, but am even more grateful for it now. What a great blessing our time together was. What I didn't know then, is that summer I would go to Catholic Familyland, I would further grow in devotion to Gwen Coniker and now pray daily to her, how Kathy and I would become closer, how in the last year of his life every time I would see Kathy I would ask her about her dad, how just this past spring (2018) I was thinking of visiting him.....

That next day at St George's cemetery, I watched as his grandkids, two of my cousins and he walked across the snow and ice to the burial for Aunt Virg. A little bit later, before we all packed up to go to the IA, he came over to my sister and gave her the books for me. I was so excited! I received a rosary meditation booklet compiled by him and Preparation for Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary for Families also compiled by him. The week after the funeral, I began reading daily from the consecration prep book. Now that I have finished reading it, it sits on my desk.

Now, for the last month, every time I go to mass I pray for his soul and every night before bed I say "Jerry Coniker, pray for us" (I realize he is not canonized yet, but I still say that)
At Anne's bridal shower 2 weeks ago Kathy was there and she gave me a Rosary with St Pope John Paul II on the beads. She said touched it to her dad after he died and to her mom's tomb and the rosary is just for me. I couldn't believe it! What a gift!

As I read back on this, It seems as if there is more to the story in my head or something, and that in writing it doesn't seem like much. Maybe its more simple than I thought. I am very grateful for Jerry Coniker, for his example in my life, all the things that he did, and the time we had together to sit at Proko funeral home and talk.